Montessori and Me: Part VI Learning with FRIENDS

Disclaimer: I would like to clarify that by Montessori, I mean the philosophy that Dr. Maria Montessori, an Italian doctor, put forth for helping the young minds of the world live in this World. I use the word live here because after all, quoting Dr. Montessori, education is a way of life.

Today I got to see the 'FRIENDS: The Reunion' episode, thanks to - an ex-colleague, a good friend and stand up comedian - and his friend :). The episode was a brilliant jog down the memory lane for the cast after 17 years. Some amazing tablereads, questions, guest stars, recaps, fashion walk, emotions, opinions and of course laughter. 

But this post is not about the FRIENDS, but my friends and well, Montessori. Watching the episode took me back to my college days. I remember huddling together at a mutual friend's (Yes, I am not naming anyone, so be ready for lots of 'friend's) room and getting introduced to this iconic series. College life, especially hostel life does that. 

But it was not only about TV series', that friends introduced me to. NIT Tiruchirapalli, for all the cursing that students gave about hostel toilets and mess food (we were from the 2009 batch), had some amazing set of extra-curricular student initiated activities. Be it Student run commercial/social clubs, the arts, literary, dance, music and theatre groups, cultural festivals, sports or  symposiums, or learning words like 'Mistress', 'Masturbation' there were plenty of opportunities to explore our interests apart from academics. 

Some of these, I got to know through a couple of cousins of my day scholar friend and majority of them through my peers. How did they know? From their seniors. The first years from other states and NRIs were very much in touch with their state seniors as 'ragging' was prevalent at that time. For me, the information that I was getting from these guys were opening new avenues to try. There were even times when I was 'sneaking' bread omlettes from snacketria or juices from our juicy for these friends of mine (ragging banned them from these treats) from the mixed group classroom. I was wishing that I had some department seniors to tell me more about what to expect. 

One of the toughest things that I realised for me was to say 'No!' (though there is one particular friend and my entire set of wing mates who think otherwise) to my friends. I really didn't want to travel back home from my new found freedom haven (though some of you may disagree). But the first few months, I couldn't say 'No' to my school and in turn college friends. There's one friend who was a day scholar and he would invite me home every other weekend initially and later, whenever he went home. Again, it took me some time to say 'No'. I even missed the one Club induction (which I eventually joined in my second year) that I wanted to get in because of my predicament. The point being, I was conditioned to satisfy others ahead of my own wish and found it hard to break it. 

Came the end of first year. We had two hostels to go to - Diamond (where I lived) and Jade (which became my nickname unwittingly). I was telling my 1st year  roommate and close friend from Sri Lanka, that we should get a room with two other fellows. We asked our third guy, who was from Maharashtra, but he had his own 'state' plans. On the last day of classes, I stumbled upon two other friends from my class, who were discussing the situation. They both were in a similar confusion, looking to get away from their own pulls. I jumped at the chance and they welcomed the offer to club with us! We ended up having a Sri Lankan, a Punjabi from  Baroda, a Kannadiga from Abu Dhabi and a TamBrahm from Chennai in the same room. 

We had some things in common - 2 of us were smokers (They were kind enough to step out each time), 3 of us were drinkers (I love that photo where it portrays the converse), 3 of us liked Lit events, 2 of us rushed for the morning paper's crossie (I was late always), 2 of us ended up in the same club - but still I got to play my cricket, meet MY friend and his family, occasionally travel back home and each of them got to do their stuff. I needed the space and time with myself and I was happy that I got it. But I had to pre-empt this setup before my school friends asked me, because I couldn't stand up for myself.

From my second year, I was much more sure of what I wanted to do (apart from not focusing on academics I mean). I knew I enjoyed what the college had to offer and I tried to stay entire semesters from third year I think. The third year, when we had to move hostels (single rooms) again, I decided to stick with the same lot (the Sri Lankan ditched us though :( ) and moved with them. We ended up in a wing with a Goan (Ece), an Indori from Pondicherry (Mech), the TamBrahm from Chennai (Ece), a Bong from Baroda (Mech), the Punjabi from Baroda (EEE), the Kannadiga from Abu Dhabi (CSE), a Mallu from Chennai (CSE), a Gujju from Pune (EEE), a Bong from Chennai (CSE), a Ghati from Pune (Mech), another Bong from Baroda (EEE), a Kashmiri from Pune (Mech), a Thambi from Pune (Meta), a Gujju from Surat (Chem), an UPite from Gujarat (CSE), a Gujju from Baroda (ECE), an Oddu from Trichy (ECE), an UPite from Kuwait (ECE), and 3 more Bongs (Chem, Prod and Mech). Quite a collection it was! Our wing was easily sanctioned by 'authorities' as it had 'diversity' already! 

Again this group had lots in common (apart from almost one-third being Bongs - I really didn't know that until I listed it out!!) - lits, college cultural festival, art, design, theatre, film making, club management, cricket (IPL had arrived), smoking, smoking up (which means something different), drinking, wine tasting, tech festival, Puliancholai trek, dingo juice, TV series,  academics, preparing for CAT/GRE - while still not imposing anything on anyone. I remained a non-smoker throughout. I ended up missing out on almost all of the trips to Saarang, Unmad, MoodIndigo, Kodai, Ooty, Pondy or Kalpakkam, Bengaluru citing some work or the other. Third year end, I even stayed back for the vacation in the form of a project. 

These two (2nd and 3rd) years were the time when I really was seeded with the thought to become a teacher. A close friend of mine, told me once, that I continue to try to be unique and not go along with the crowd. Thinking now about it, each of us were/are already unique. I was simply trying to be myself. What I didn't realise was that instead of running away from what I saw as obstacles, confronting them could have been an option. For example, I could have simply told my dear school friends what I felt on their face and stuck to my decision even if they chided me. I didn't know that I could do that - is the best that I can think of. 

This is where Montessori comes in. Everyday, children in my classroom decide what activity they want to do, how they want to do that and whom they want work with. Dominance, camaraderie, frustrations, happiness, sadness, conflicts, teamwork, compassion, gregariousness, hurt, anger, cries or laughter are some outcomes of their decisions. Helping them learn to handle those situations without disrespecting others' choices is probably the biggest day-to-day challenge of every Montessori adult. As an adult, if you learn to be yourself, you will find it easy to facilitate young children objectively. But if one is limited by their own conditioning, then it is going to be a game of carrots and stick. How do we know what is coming out of conditioning and what is not? You will have to find it out for yourself - because after all each of us are unique.